Brave New World

“…COMMUNITY, IDENTITY, STABILITY.”

Aldous Huxley, Brave New World, 1.

Our children, who were born after 1995, have always known the world to have the internet. To say they are comfortable with technology is an understatement. They enjoy and crave the interactivity and immediacy of response that personal computers and the like provide – plus they seem to be able to do a number of things at once while using technology. I find it remarkable how my boys can follow a television program, have a conversation with a friend while seemingly concentrating on playing an electronic game. (Yet they always seem to be able to tune me out. Go figure.)

How can reading a book compare to the stimulus of the world wide web? Sitting still focused on one thing, letting your brain form the pictures and think about what you are reading… sounds kinda dull when you could use mom’s smart phone to play a game which illustrates the story and gives you immediate results.

Parents and teachers are working in a tough environment to teach children the fundamentals and excite them to learn. The old school way of learning with books, paper and pencils and independent thinking is folding into the new world with bring your own digital devices to school and collaborative group work. Parents and teachers are navigating this territory at the same time. How about we do it together by sharing our experiences, learnings and resources?

If you are a teacher or a parent and you have found a fantastic resource which you think everyone should know about, I invite you to share your findings here.

Here are some resources which I think are wonderful:

Have you checked out www.teachingkidsnews.com? It is a current affairs website for parents, educators and children grades 2 to 8 whose articles are always up to date and written in a manner which children can understand as well as gain greater insight into the situation.

Plus, for educators and parents there are activity and discussion guides provided as suggestions.

Why I love the site?
Easy to read
Updated frequently so content is current
Wonderful variety of articles allowing children to find what appeals to them most
Great writing and discussion guides which help readers to think and form their own opinions on topics
Provides context such as history of a situation, rules of a game, relationship of situations, etc.

Learning to read is a life skill that everyone wants to see their child achieve. Some children will love to read and their imaginations will take them to far away lands. Others just aren’t interested. I believe that if the child enjoys the subject matter then they can become excited about learning. In current affairs there is always something that can interest each person – sports, entertainment, science, etc..

Additionally, reading with discussion can develop critical thinking, development of opinions and so many other skills. Why should learning be concentrated on the development of one skill at a time? This is why I love the exercise of reading the news and discussing it with my family. I would like my children to develop an understanding of current events and their impact on our lives.

As a parent I really find the content of the http://www.commonsense.org website to be topnotch for reviews of all forms of media but more importantly, a resource for parents and educators on how to help teach children digital literacy.

Straight from their website: “Common Sense Media is dedicated to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the trustworthy information, education, and independent voice they need to thrive in a world of media and technology.

We exist because our nation’s children spend more time with media and digital activities than they do with their families or in school, which profoundly impacts their social, emotional, and physical development . As a non-partisan, not-for-profit organization, we provide trustworthy information and tools, as well as an independent forum, so that families can have a choice and a voice about the media they consume.”

While based in the US, their content is very relevant to their Canadian neighbours as we share so many traits. I encourage parents and teachers to spend some time on their site – playing their games and reading their reviews with their families. You will come away feeling better enabled for the media world we live in.

Teaching The Value of Saving The Hard Way (or How to maintain composure in Walmart)

On Friday night, my 6 year old son said to me “Can we go to Wal*mart? I want to look for this cool video game Skylanders.” The first thing that crossed my mind was “I would rather clean the bathrooms” and the second was “Why? Christmas was only four weeks ago.” I had expected this request to come up a few weeks earlier as the moms at the bus stop the first week back at school after the holidays had been saying this is what their boys were asking for. So we were a few weeks behind.

I had no idea how much this game would be but given the description that my little guy was giving me “You need the game and the powerpack and the 3 dudes come in the starter pack but I want to buy more than the starter pack.” Oh dear! How much is this going to be I thought.

On the way to the big blue monster of a store which I try to avoid most weekends, I tried to prepare my son by saying “We are going to see how much this thing is. It sounds like it is a lot of money. If it is, then we won’t be buying it.”

“But I will spend my own money.”

While he has been putting his allowance in his piggy bank each week, I also knew that he had dipped into his savings a few times to buy a book or two from the school book orders. I suspected his savings were under $10. Nowhere near enough to buy the simplest video game.

“If the game is a lot of money, we won’t be buying it. So no tears.” I know my son. If I say no way to the price tag as we stand in the aisle, he will harrass me trying to change my mind. There was no way this was going to happen with this situation. He had received enough gifts at Christmas.

Sure enough when we found the game it was just shy of $70.00 without tax. I immediately explained that this was far too much money and he didn’t have enough in his savings. He said in a broken voice “But we could all pay – you, me, big brother and daddy.”

“We will have to go home and talk about it. Time to go.”

He stayed standing in the aisle trying to think of another approach. I walked away. That was when his tantrum began – calling me names, pushing me back to the aisle. Not pretty. I swear this is why they put the games section at the back of the store – so parents like me, can suffer the most abuse from their children in front of strangers and neighbours. I tried to smile and laugh. But all I wanted to do was cry and yell at him. I tried to explain to him in front of the couples buying towels and food, “Money doesn’t grow on trees. You have to save. Not everything can be done instantly.” Finally I picked up this awkward, distraught boy who was still calling me a bad parent and tried to carry him out of the store while he hurled angry words at me. When we got in the car, the tears were streaming down his face with a bitter expression on his mouth. Not fun. All the way home he cried and said he would talk to his daddy.I turned the music up loudly so I couldn’t hear his abuse.

No luck with his dad or his brother. Both knew the price of the game and said no way. Then little guy started to count out his money from his piggy bank. Yup. $10 and change. He was not happy.

Now he is asking for a Walmart gift card for his birthday which is 5 months away and is all ready talking about what he wants to buy his brother for his birthday which is in 4 months. He is strategizing on what he needs to do to save for the game. At least he is thinking about how to add money up with a goal in mind. Knowing my son, he won’t forget and he will put his mind to it. I just hope the grandparents don’t hear about this and little guy does save his money.

The Teacher or The Parents Make All The Difference

Last weekend, we were out with friends and as does happen with parents, the conversation turned to our children and school, homework and teachers. (fortunately we have moved past the years of talking about sleeping patterns, bowel movements and eating schedules!) A number of us have children in the same grade but in different schools across the Greater Toronto Area so we compared what our children are learning, their teachers, etc. I would expect a difference between teachers – as everyone has their own style. But what a variance there seems to be by school and by school board!

One school in Oakville has student led parent-teacher interviews were the students explain to their parents – in french! – what they are learning with input by the teacher and then the parents can ask questions. I heard about varying degrees of technology being introduced into schools and expected for homework. One school uses online tools where students can read a book out loud online at home, record their reading and the teacher can then listen to the recording online and help the student in the classroom. While this sounds awesome – what happens if the children don’t have access to a computer at home?

 A number of the moms shared experiences about their children in older grades (4 and up) and how much or little our children are being challenged in the classroom.The parents discussed how vital an engaged teacher is –  the teacher makes all the difference on how much or little the children are challenged.  One mom who is a teacher said “we underestimate children’s capability of absorbing and understanding concepts”.

This conversation has stayed with me over the last week. Can we expect teachers, with shrinking resources who are stretched in a day, to be able to plan to challenge students? Have these teachers themselves been challenged to think vs execute? My observation is that the more a parent is involved in their child’s educational development the more they succeed. But is this a good thing? If a child’s parent is sitting with her every night doing homework how do they learn to think independently? Does the child become reliant on the parent and the parent becomes their security blanket – protecting them from failing?

So when I read this article “Stop Teaching Our Kids to Be Employees, Start Educating Entrepreneurs”, Brad McCarty’s comments struck a cord with me because I believe what he says is true. But whose “job” is it to teach and challenge our children? I want to see both teachers and parents contribute equally – one has to enable the other. Who is going to start?

Will parents stop handcuffing teachers by telling them not to use red pens to mark papers or giving them homework or encouraging them to think? Will teachers send home work with clear explanations of what is to be done and why and what has been explained to the child in the classroom so the parents know that if their child was listening in class that they would know what to do? I realize there are lots of chasms in the above as situations vary by child, by teacher, by classroom, by family, by environment but let’s stop the madness and work together to improve the situation. There are so many outstanding tools available to us (read another great article “In 2011 How The Internet Revolutionized Education“) – parents and educators that let’s figure out how to maximize their use to maximize our children’s potential.

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.
Jackie Kennedy

Rebelling Against The Stuff This Holiday Season

Christmas is coming and I want to pick up the family and move to a deserted island until it is over. Some family members are very generous and overindulge in shopping for others. I cringe while they cheer “This is what Christmas is all about” as they substitute an opened gift for an unopened gift into the lap of a grandchild, making the child feel like they are working on a conveyor belt at a factory. Instead, all the child wants to do is play with the one toy they were wishing for. At the end of all the chaos, that’s what happens; the children play with one or two items and the rest of the “stuff” is put away on bookcases and closets. The children don’t remember everything they received as gifts as the process is such a blur. How can this be fun?

Since last Christmas, I have been asking family members to consider contributing towards activities or outings that the children might enjoy – such as going to an NHL hockey game and make it a gift for the boys, their dad and their grandpa, golf camp which they would love to try, or a family winter trip to a ski lodge – instead of buying “stuff”. Let’s create experiences which can lead to making memories that everyone can enjoy together or a special outing with the children and their grandparents or aunt and uncle.

“But what will they unwrap on Christmas?” is the response I receive. Perhaps a set of hockey trading cards (from the dollar store) with their game day tickets, perhaps a toboggan (from Walmart) with a picture of the ski lodge stuck to it. Some of these ideas are a bit expensive but stop and think about how much is spent on the “stuff”. It all adds up.

Other ideas for gifts could be:
* family summer passes to the zoo or local water park – something to look forward to this summer
* tickets to a local theatre production – which could make everyone laugh
* a swingset or trampoline

I am optimistic that this year could be the Christmas that we start to create experiences. We hoping to be giving one and sharing one – hoping this starts a tradition.

From the classroom to home

How do you encourage your child to discuss what they learn in the classroom at home?
Sitting at the dinner table, my son recently wrote out a song he was learning in school to share with us. This is his first month of French immersion at the grade one level. While there are clearly spelling mistakes in his written French, we applaud the effort and enthusiasm. He also sang it to us and is now teaching us the words.

How I saved money on military school

When my eldest son was around 2, I thought we were going to have to send him to military school. He certainly had his own opinions and was not afraid to express them. Listening was not a strong skill. Every outing was a battle of wills – he willed to move and do things that he wanted to do – not what the rest of us needed to do. At the time, I felt that he needed more discipline than we were giving him. Over the last 7 years, this boy has learned a lot and matured to some degree – though listening is still not one of his strongest skills.

As part of his maturing, he has developed a number of interests – including playing soccer. He loves soccer so much that he has successfully tried out for the community competitive soccer team this spring. Since making the team, his eyes have been opened to the discpline required to play at this level and be part of a team. His coaches had a uniform presentation event where each member of the team was presented their team number and their full kit. As part of this ceremony, the team members had to vow to treat their uniforms with respect. They must fold their outerwear and put it away in their backpacks when they take it off at any time – particularly on the side lines of the field. (Can pyjamas and dirty clothes command the same respect at home?) Players have to do their best to attend every practice and game otherwise they will let down their teammates. Another rule is listen to the coach and follow the drills. This one has to be the hardest for 9 year old boys! But they get the message as coach doesn’t call them by name when it is their turn to do the drill – they have to be ready, watching and listening – otherwise the wrath of coach is unleashed.

While I am not looking forward to travelling all over Southern Ontario this summer, or the possibility of watching the team lose most of their games as it is their first season playing together, I am hoping that the lessons from coach will sink through the 9 year old’s head and he will learn some life skills. Otherwise, I will have to start saving for military school again.

When To Start Teaching Life Skills

Seth Godin recent shared his thoughts on key life skills that need to be taught in high school on his blog:

What’s high school for?
Perhaps we could endeavor to teach our future the following:

How to focus intently on a problem until it’s solved.
The benefit of postponing short-term satisfaction in exchange for long-term success.
How to read critically.
The power of being able to lead groups of peers without receiving clear delegated authority.
An understanding of the extraordinary power of the scientific method, in just about any situation or endeavor.
How to persuasively present ideas in multiple forms, especially in writing and before a group.
Project management. Self-management and the management of ideas, projects and people.
Personal finance. Understanding the truth about money and debt and leverage.
An insatiable desire (and the ability) to learn more. Forever.
Most of all, the self-reliance that comes from understanding that relentless hard work can be applied to solve problems worth solving.

I agree that these are important skills to learn but why do students need to start this learning in high school?

One life skill that we are trying to teach our boys is Can’t is not a word/ phrase that will lead you to success. Instead think or say – Boy, This Is Giving Me Some Trouble. Look at the situation from different perspectives and find a solution.

The other day my eldest son who is in grade 3 was doing his homework and he said he couldn’t do part of what was required – drawing pictures to illustrate his ideas. He said he couldn’t do it because he can’t draw. I sat down with him and said there is no such thing as “can’t” – you are simply having trouble and we need to figure out a solution. He told me he wasn’t allowed to have his parents help him. I replied I am not doing the work for you. Instead I am offering advice and suggestions. I suggested he trace pictures from the book. He is doing the work – I made the suggestion. Guess what? The pouting mouth turned right side up and he did the work himself. (Thank you to his teacher who is clearly instilling in her students that they need to do the work themselves.)

As a family we watch reality shows together – the oldies but the goodies – Survivor, The Amazing Race and Hell’s Kitchen. My husband and I believe that these programs will show our boys that if you work hard, you can succeed. (we also downplay the lying parts of Survivor- particularly Russell) Two years ago, one of the chefs on Hell’s Kitchen hurt his hand quite badly. My son who was 7 at the time said – he can’t go on. He only has one hand. Well, my husband and I explained that this opportunity was so important to the man that he likely wouldn’t give up. He would figure out how to keep going. If you are a fan of the show, you will remember that this candidate went all the way to the finals and won. Our son still remembers this and we occasionally will reference this situation when he is having a hard time with something.

With our family, life skills are taught whenever the opportunity arises. How about with you?

Is The Bigger Issue – Are Our Educators Failing Our Children?

This weekend, The Globe and Mail published a 6 part series about Failing Boys in education. The research they reference “suggests that boys, as a group, rank behind girls by nearly every measure of scholastic achievement. They earn lower grades overall in elementary school and high school. They trail in reading and writing, and 30 per cent of them land in the bottom quarter of standardized tests, compared with 19 per cent of girls. Boys are also more likely to be picked out for behavioural problems, more likely to repeat a grade and to drop out of school altogether.” (The Globe & Mail, Failing Boys, October 15, 2010)

According to this article, boys are failing because they spend too much time playing video games, the education system is female oriented with female teachers, boys are too proud to ask for help, boys have a hard time sitting still and listening and they have a lack of role models

So many things in the world are personalized – how we receive information and what we choose to receive, our ability to customize our cars and our music and how we express ourselves. We recognize more today than any other generation how unique we are – so why is the education system not recognizing that all children do not learn the same way or have the same interests. Educators need to realize that appealing to childrens’ strengths can allow them to be engaged in learning. Allow boys to read appropriate comic books, let them write stories – even if they are in cartoon format. These are their passions. Fuel their passions and then help guide them through learning. I believe that the more boys and girls are encouraged to follow their passions and given guideance to learn, the stronger our children will be in school.



Disturbing Fantasy and Reality

Until recently, I had lived in this fantasy world where I believed there would be a long spaced out timeline over which we would have to talk about puberty, cyberspace safety, drugs and then finally sex with our sons. After conversations with my sons’ friends’ parents – who have teenage children as well as elementary school aged children, reality has bitten me as these topics will likely have to be broached sooner rather than later – despite my eldest only being 8.

Thanks to my neighbourhood friends, I am now more aware that puberty is coming earlier. Teen-like emotions, anxieties and actions are on the horizon as this behaviour is starting earlier among children – closer to 10 years of age.

In pop-culture, story of the day is  Jessi Slaughter, the 11 year old girl whose videoblogs and online chats have led to cyberbullies taunting her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9giU0tZEJk With the internet, children can easily gain exposure to the reality of the grown up world. My biggest concern with this story is that Jessi is 11 year old girl but she talks, acts and dresses like a 15 or 16 year old teenager. Is this what her circle of friends talks and acts like? Are her parents and teachers giving her any guidance?

Again, thanks to my friends with older children, I am hearing that a few children in grades 7 and 8 are smoking up before they step on the school bus at the beginning of their day. These are 12 and 13 year olds. Other parents are telling me that drugs are being dealt and purchased by children under 10 in some suburbs. In my fantasy world, I wasn’t going to have to talk about drugs until my sons started big, bad, scary high school. Apparently I am behind the times and need to think about having this conversation sooner rather than later.

Like most parents, I am not ready for my children to grow up any faster than they are all ready. My husband and I are trying to surround our boys with strong connections – teachers, friends, extra-curricular coaches, etc. with whom our boys can bond, have fun and stay safe. While these conversations with friends are concerning, I am glad to have had my eyes opened. I am even more thankful that I know many of my sons’ friends’ parents and we can share experiences and get know more about who is in my sons’ peer group and what their influences are.

I am still quite nervous about the tween and teen years. As one half of a working full time parental unit, I haven’t figured out a plan that will allow my boys to be kept busy with strong after school activities so they stay out of trouble without my husband or I giving up working and moving to a shoe box. I am determined to find a way to give my boys a strong home, friend and activity network that will hopefully guide them along a positive path.

Please share any suggestions and experiences that you have.

Turning the joke on boys and their reading habits

Today there has been a fair amount of press about boys and developing their reading skills. The Globe and Mail’s article summarizes the opportunity and the authors of boy humour books.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/family-and-relationships/can-fart-jokes-get-boys-to-crack-open-a-book/article1648590/

Other books that I have found help to encourage boys to read are comic books  – Scooby Doo, Sonic, etc. We read these together and talk about the story. My youngest also enjoys tracing the pictures and colouring – practicing his artistic skills.

My eldest son loves to read the Bone’s series of books. The pictures are fun – the stories are basic but he enjoys reading them. He also enjoys reading french comic books – Tintin and Asterix.

Discover french comic books

Once he has read a portion of one of these books – he often enjoys creating his own comic book which encourages his creative writing. I don’t think that the school system encourages enough creative writing – where are the short story exercises as homework? Fortunately, during free time at school, my son and his friends have taken it upon themselves to create their own stories and comic book characters.

Help feed your children’s creative minds. Many libraries have comic books to borrow. Take some home and relive your childhood with them.